Post by -(aaK)- Sora on Feb 25, 2005 18:01:10 GMT
[glow=purple,2,300] Gotta love 'em ;D
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Why did the blond smile every time there was a flash of lightning?
She thought someone was taking her picture.
One day, a blonde was driving to California. On the way, she saw a sign that said, Clean Restrooms Ahead. By the time she finally reached the coast, she had scrubbed and polished 68 of them.
Two blondes were walking in the woods when they came upon some tracks. The first blonde said, You know, those look like deer tracks. The other blonde said, No, silly, those are moose tracks. They were still arguing about it when a train hit them.
A blonde woman was very proud of herself for finishing her jigsaw
puzzle in only two months; after all, the box said 2-5 years.
One day, two blondes were driving to Disneyland. As they passed through Anaheim, they saw a sign on the freeway that said, Disneyland Left. So they turned around and went home.
A dumb blonde, a smart blonde, and Santa Claus were all walking down the street. All of a sudden, they saw a $10 bill lying on the ground. Luckily for the dumb blonde, she was able to get to the money first, her friends didn't exist.
A blonde went into a pizza parlor. When she said that she'd like a medium pizza, the clerk asked her how many pieces she'd like to have it cut into: six or twelve. Oh, goodness, six please, said the blonde. I don't think I could ever eat twelve.
A blonde wanted to go ice fishing; so, after reading many books on the subject and gathering all of the necessary equipment, she made for the nearest frozen lake. After positioning her comfy foot stool, she started to make a circular cut in the ice. Suddenly, as if from the sky, a voice boomed out, HEY, YOU, THERE ARE NO FISH THERE! Startled, the blonde moved further down the ice, poured a cup of cappuccino from her Thermos, and began to cut another hole. Again, a voice boomed, THERE ARE NO FISH THERE! The blonde, now worried, moved to the opposite end of the ice, set up her stool, and once again tried to cut the ice hole. Once more, the voice said, THERE ARE NO FISH THERE! The blonde stopped, looked skyward, and said, Who are you, God? The voice replied, NO, YOU DUMB BLONDE, I OWN THE ICE RINK!
Three women, a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead, were stranded on an island. The brunette looked over the water to the mainland and estimated the distance to be about twenty miles. So, she announced that she was going to try and swim back. After swimming five miles or so, the brunette began to get tired. However, determined to keep at it, she kept going. Unfortunately, ten miles out, she became exhausted and drowned. The redhead, who was stronger than the brunette had been, decided to give it a try. After getting out about ten miles or so, she too began to get tired. Just like the brunette, she was determined to keep going; only five miles from the mainland, she too became exhausted and drowned. Now, the blonde had always been the strongest of the three. And so, after seeing how far the redhead had gotten, she knew that she had a good chance of making it. The blonde swam away from the island, and was making good time. She passed ten miles easily; however, when she reached fifteen, she began to get tired, too. But she kept going. Finally, after reaching nineteen miles, with the mainland only a mile away and in sight, the blonde realized that she was simply too tired to go on. So she swam back.
What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you?
Run like crazy....she's got a hand grenade in her mouth.
What is the blonde doing when she holds her hands tightly over her ears?
Trying to hold on to a thought.
Why did the blonde stare at frozen orange juice can for two hours?
Because it said 'concentrate'.
Why did the blonde bake a chicken for three and a half days?
It said cook it for half an hour per pound, and she weighed 125.
Why did the blonde climb up to the roof of the bar?
She heard that the drinks were on the house.
What's the difference between Elvis and smart blondes?
Elvis has been sighted.
What did the blonde do when she noticed that someone had already written on the overhead transparency?
She turned it over and used the other side.
How does a blonde high-5?
She smacks herself in the forehead.
How do you know when a blonde has been making chocolate chip cookies?
You find M&M shells all over the kitchen floor.
Why was the blonde disappointed with her trip to England?
She found out Big Ben is only a clock.
How can you tell if a blonde's been using the computer?
There's white-out on the screen.
How can you tell if another blonde's been using the computer?
There's writing on the white-out.
How can you tell when a fax had been sent from a blonde?
There is a stamp on it.
Why do all blondes have a dimple in their chin and a flat forehead?
(Finger on chin) "I don't know?" (Hits forehead) "Oh I get it!"
What do you call a smart blond?
A golden retriever.
What do you do when a blonde throws a hand grenade at you?
Pull the pin and throw it back.
Why did the blonde climb over the chain-link fence?
To see what was on the other side.
What do you call it when a blonde dyes her hair brunette?
Artificial intelligence.
BLONDE #1: "Have you ever read Shakespeare?" BLONDE #2: "No, who wrote it?"
Did you hear about the blonde mom who kept an icepack on her chest to keep the milk fresh?
A painting contractor was speaking with a woman about her job. In the first room she said she would like a pale blue. The contractor wrote this down and went to the window, opened it, and yelled out "GREEN SIDE UP!" In the second room she told the painter she would like it painted in a soft yellow. He wrote this on his pad, walked to the window, opened it, and yelled " GREEN SIDE UP!" The lady was somewhat curious but she said nothing. In the third room she said she would like it painted a warm rose color. The painter wrote this down, walked to the window, opened it and yelled
"GREEN SIDE UP!" The lady then asked him, "Why do you keep yelling 'green side up'?" "I'm sorry," came the reply. "But I have a crew of blondes laying sod across the street.
Two blondes observed in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their Mercedes with a coat hanger:
Blonde#1: I can't seem to get this door unlocked!
Blonde#2: Well, you'd better hurry up and try harder, its starting to rain and the top is down!
A brunette and a blonde are walking along in a park. The brunette says suddenly, "Awww, look at the dead birdie". The blonde stops, looks up, and says, "Where?"[/glow]
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Why did the blond smile every time there was a flash of lightning?
She thought someone was taking her picture.
One day, a blonde was driving to California. On the way, she saw a sign that said, Clean Restrooms Ahead. By the time she finally reached the coast, she had scrubbed and polished 68 of them.
Two blondes were walking in the woods when they came upon some tracks. The first blonde said, You know, those look like deer tracks. The other blonde said, No, silly, those are moose tracks. They were still arguing about it when a train hit them.
A blonde woman was very proud of herself for finishing her jigsaw
puzzle in only two months; after all, the box said 2-5 years.
One day, two blondes were driving to Disneyland. As they passed through Anaheim, they saw a sign on the freeway that said, Disneyland Left. So they turned around and went home.
A dumb blonde, a smart blonde, and Santa Claus were all walking down the street. All of a sudden, they saw a $10 bill lying on the ground. Luckily for the dumb blonde, she was able to get to the money first, her friends didn't exist.
A blonde went into a pizza parlor. When she said that she'd like a medium pizza, the clerk asked her how many pieces she'd like to have it cut into: six or twelve. Oh, goodness, six please, said the blonde. I don't think I could ever eat twelve.
A blonde wanted to go ice fishing; so, after reading many books on the subject and gathering all of the necessary equipment, she made for the nearest frozen lake. After positioning her comfy foot stool, she started to make a circular cut in the ice. Suddenly, as if from the sky, a voice boomed out, HEY, YOU, THERE ARE NO FISH THERE! Startled, the blonde moved further down the ice, poured a cup of cappuccino from her Thermos, and began to cut another hole. Again, a voice boomed, THERE ARE NO FISH THERE! The blonde, now worried, moved to the opposite end of the ice, set up her stool, and once again tried to cut the ice hole. Once more, the voice said, THERE ARE NO FISH THERE! The blonde stopped, looked skyward, and said, Who are you, God? The voice replied, NO, YOU DUMB BLONDE, I OWN THE ICE RINK!
Three women, a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead, were stranded on an island. The brunette looked over the water to the mainland and estimated the distance to be about twenty miles. So, she announced that she was going to try and swim back. After swimming five miles or so, the brunette began to get tired. However, determined to keep at it, she kept going. Unfortunately, ten miles out, she became exhausted and drowned. The redhead, who was stronger than the brunette had been, decided to give it a try. After getting out about ten miles or so, she too began to get tired. Just like the brunette, she was determined to keep going; only five miles from the mainland, she too became exhausted and drowned. Now, the blonde had always been the strongest of the three. And so, after seeing how far the redhead had gotten, she knew that she had a good chance of making it. The blonde swam away from the island, and was making good time. She passed ten miles easily; however, when she reached fifteen, she began to get tired, too. But she kept going. Finally, after reaching nineteen miles, with the mainland only a mile away and in sight, the blonde realized that she was simply too tired to go on. So she swam back.
What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you?
Run like crazy....she's got a hand grenade in her mouth.
What is the blonde doing when she holds her hands tightly over her ears?
Trying to hold on to a thought.
Why did the blonde stare at frozen orange juice can for two hours?
Because it said 'concentrate'.
Why did the blonde bake a chicken for three and a half days?
It said cook it for half an hour per pound, and she weighed 125.
Why did the blonde climb up to the roof of the bar?
She heard that the drinks were on the house.
What's the difference between Elvis and smart blondes?
Elvis has been sighted.
What did the blonde do when she noticed that someone had already written on the overhead transparency?
She turned it over and used the other side.
How does a blonde high-5?
She smacks herself in the forehead.
How do you know when a blonde has been making chocolate chip cookies?
You find M&M shells all over the kitchen floor.
Why was the blonde disappointed with her trip to England?
She found out Big Ben is only a clock.
How can you tell if a blonde's been using the computer?
There's white-out on the screen.
How can you tell if another blonde's been using the computer?
There's writing on the white-out.
How can you tell when a fax had been sent from a blonde?
There is a stamp on it.
Why do all blondes have a dimple in their chin and a flat forehead?
(Finger on chin) "I don't know?" (Hits forehead) "Oh I get it!"
What do you call a smart blond?
A golden retriever.
What do you do when a blonde throws a hand grenade at you?
Pull the pin and throw it back.
Why did the blonde climb over the chain-link fence?
To see what was on the other side.
What do you call it when a blonde dyes her hair brunette?
Artificial intelligence.
BLONDE #1: "Have you ever read Shakespeare?" BLONDE #2: "No, who wrote it?"
Did you hear about the blonde mom who kept an icepack on her chest to keep the milk fresh?
A painting contractor was speaking with a woman about her job. In the first room she said she would like a pale blue. The contractor wrote this down and went to the window, opened it, and yelled out "GREEN SIDE UP!" In the second room she told the painter she would like it painted in a soft yellow. He wrote this on his pad, walked to the window, opened it, and yelled " GREEN SIDE UP!" The lady was somewhat curious but she said nothing. In the third room she said she would like it painted a warm rose color. The painter wrote this down, walked to the window, opened it and yelled
"GREEN SIDE UP!" The lady then asked him, "Why do you keep yelling 'green side up'?" "I'm sorry," came the reply. "But I have a crew of blondes laying sod across the street.
Two blondes observed in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their Mercedes with a coat hanger:
Blonde#1: I can't seem to get this door unlocked!
Blonde#2: Well, you'd better hurry up and try harder, its starting to rain and the top is down!
A brunette and a blonde are walking along in a park. The brunette says suddenly, "Awww, look at the dead birdie". The blonde stops, looks up, and says, "Where?"[/glow]
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