Post by -(aaK)- Sora on Feb 25, 2005 17:51:57 GMT
[shadow=purple,left,300]How do you make a blondes eyes twinkle?
Shine a flashlight in their ear.
What does a blonde and a beer bottle have in common?
They're both empty from the neck up.
How do you get b blonde out of a tree?
Wave at her.
What do peroxide blondes and black men have in common?
They both have black roots.
What does a blonde owl say?
What, what?
What's the blonde's cheer?
"I'm blonde, I'm blonde, I'm B.L.O.N.....ah, oh well...I'm blonde, I'm blonde, yea yea yea..."
Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back?
From crawling across the street when the sign said "DONT WALK."
Why did the blonde keep a coat hanger in her back seat?
In case she locks the keys in her car.
Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills.
Why did the blonde drive into the ditch?
To turn the blinker off.
Why did the blonde try and steal a police car?
She saw "911" on the back and thought it was a Porsche.
How do you confuse a blonde?
Ask her to alphabetize a bag of M&M's.
Why did the blonde call the welfare office?
She wanted to know how to cook food stamps!
How many blondes does it take to play tag?
One.
What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios?
"Oh look! Donut seeds!"
What did the blonde name her pet zebra?
Spot.
What's a blonde's favorite rock group?
Air Supply.
Why are blondes like Cornflakes?
Because they're simple, easy and they taste good.
What's the definition of gross ignorance?
144 blondes.
Did you hear about the blonde couple who were found frozen to death in their car at a drive-in movie theater?
They went to see "Closed for the Winter."
Why is the blonde brain the size of a pea in the morning?
It swells at night.
A blonde is walking down the street with a pig under her arm. She passes a person who asks "Where did you get that?" The pig says, "I won her in a raffle."
What did the blonde do when she heard that 90% of accidents occur around the home?
She moved.
What's five miles long and has an IQ of 40?
A blonde parade.
How do you make a blonde laugh on Monday?
Tell her a joke on Thursday.
How did the blonde break her arm while raking leaves?
She fell out of the tree.
If a bonde and a brunette fell out of an airplane, who would land first?
The brunette, the blonde would have to stop and ask for directions.
What do you call a bunch of blondes standing in a row?
A wind tunnel.
How do you drown a blonde?
Put a mirror at the bottom of a pool.
Why does a blonde only change her baby's diaper once a month?
Cause the label says, "Good up to 20 pounds."
Why do blondes wear shoulder pads?
To protect their skulls as there heads rock left and right.
What does a blonde say when you blow in her ear?
Thanks for the refill.
How do you kill a blonde?
Put spikes in their shoulder pads.
A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning. The blond wife picked up the phone, listened a moment and said, "How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!" and hung up. The husband asked, "Who was that?" The wife said, "I don't know, some woman wanting to know "if the coast is clear."
Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror and says, "Hmm, this person looks familiar." The second blonde says, "Here, let me see!" So the first blonde hands her the compact. The second one looks in the mirror and says, "You dummy, it's me!"
A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door she finds him in the arms of a redhead. Well, the blonde is really angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so, she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her head. The boyfriend yells, "No, honey, don't do it." The blonde replies, "Shut up, you're next!"
A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals. She proudly says, "Go ahead, ask me, I know all of them." A friend says, "OK, what's the capital of Wisconsin?" The blonde replies, "Oh, that's easy: W."
A blonde had just totaled her car in a horrific accident. Miraculously, she managed to pry herself from the wreckage without a scratch and was applying fresh lipstick when the state trooper arrived. "My Goodness!" the trooper gasped. "Your car looks like an accordion that was stomped on by an elephant. Are you OK ma'am?" "Yes, officer, I'm just fine" the blonde chirped." Well, how in the world did this happen?" the officer asked as he surveyed the wrecked car. "Officer, it was the strangest thing!" the blonde began. "I was driving along this road when from out of nowhere this TREE pops up in front of me. So I swerved to the right, and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was ANOTHER tree! I swerved to the right and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was ...." "Uh, ma'am", the officer said, cutting her off, "There isn't a tree on this road for 30 miles. That was your air freshener swinging back and forth."
Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the channels, and a K-9 unit patrolling nearby was the first to respond. As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, started to sob at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps. Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, "I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do they do? They send me a BLIND policeman!"
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Shine a flashlight in their ear.
What does a blonde and a beer bottle have in common?
They're both empty from the neck up.
How do you get b blonde out of a tree?
Wave at her.
What do peroxide blondes and black men have in common?
They both have black roots.
What does a blonde owl say?
What, what?
What's the blonde's cheer?
"I'm blonde, I'm blonde, I'm B.L.O.N.....ah, oh well...I'm blonde, I'm blonde, yea yea yea..."
Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back?
From crawling across the street when the sign said "DONT WALK."
Why did the blonde keep a coat hanger in her back seat?
In case she locks the keys in her car.
Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills.
Why did the blonde drive into the ditch?
To turn the blinker off.
Why did the blonde try and steal a police car?
She saw "911" on the back and thought it was a Porsche.
How do you confuse a blonde?
Ask her to alphabetize a bag of M&M's.
Why did the blonde call the welfare office?
She wanted to know how to cook food stamps!
How many blondes does it take to play tag?
One.
What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios?
"Oh look! Donut seeds!"
What did the blonde name her pet zebra?
Spot.
What's a blonde's favorite rock group?
Air Supply.
Why are blondes like Cornflakes?
Because they're simple, easy and they taste good.
What's the definition of gross ignorance?
144 blondes.
Did you hear about the blonde couple who were found frozen to death in their car at a drive-in movie theater?
They went to see "Closed for the Winter."
Why is the blonde brain the size of a pea in the morning?
It swells at night.
A blonde is walking down the street with a pig under her arm. She passes a person who asks "Where did you get that?" The pig says, "I won her in a raffle."
What did the blonde do when she heard that 90% of accidents occur around the home?
She moved.
What's five miles long and has an IQ of 40?
A blonde parade.
How do you make a blonde laugh on Monday?
Tell her a joke on Thursday.
How did the blonde break her arm while raking leaves?
She fell out of the tree.
If a bonde and a brunette fell out of an airplane, who would land first?
The brunette, the blonde would have to stop and ask for directions.
What do you call a bunch of blondes standing in a row?
A wind tunnel.
How do you drown a blonde?
Put a mirror at the bottom of a pool.
Why does a blonde only change her baby's diaper once a month?
Cause the label says, "Good up to 20 pounds."
Why do blondes wear shoulder pads?
To protect their skulls as there heads rock left and right.
What does a blonde say when you blow in her ear?
Thanks for the refill.
How do you kill a blonde?
Put spikes in their shoulder pads.
A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning. The blond wife picked up the phone, listened a moment and said, "How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!" and hung up. The husband asked, "Who was that?" The wife said, "I don't know, some woman wanting to know "if the coast is clear."
Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror and says, "Hmm, this person looks familiar." The second blonde says, "Here, let me see!" So the first blonde hands her the compact. The second one looks in the mirror and says, "You dummy, it's me!"
A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door she finds him in the arms of a redhead. Well, the blonde is really angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so, she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her head. The boyfriend yells, "No, honey, don't do it." The blonde replies, "Shut up, you're next!"
A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals. She proudly says, "Go ahead, ask me, I know all of them." A friend says, "OK, what's the capital of Wisconsin?" The blonde replies, "Oh, that's easy: W."
A blonde had just totaled her car in a horrific accident. Miraculously, she managed to pry herself from the wreckage without a scratch and was applying fresh lipstick when the state trooper arrived. "My Goodness!" the trooper gasped. "Your car looks like an accordion that was stomped on by an elephant. Are you OK ma'am?" "Yes, officer, I'm just fine" the blonde chirped." Well, how in the world did this happen?" the officer asked as he surveyed the wrecked car. "Officer, it was the strangest thing!" the blonde began. "I was driving along this road when from out of nowhere this TREE pops up in front of me. So I swerved to the right, and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was ANOTHER tree! I swerved to the right and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was ...." "Uh, ma'am", the officer said, cutting her off, "There isn't a tree on this road for 30 miles. That was your air freshener swinging back and forth."
Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the channels, and a K-9 unit patrolling nearby was the first to respond. As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, started to sob at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps. Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, "I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do they do? They send me a BLIND policeman!"
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