Strictly over 18!

[-(aaK)- ICE]

[glow=blue,2,300]> >Subject: ADULT HUMOR
> >>
John asks his grandpa: "Do you still have sex with Granny?"
Grandpa says: "Yes, but only Oral".
John says: "what is oral?"
Grandpa: "I say F*ck you, and she says:F*ck you too"
> >> __________________
The 3 tragedies in a man's life:
> >> 1- life sucks
> >> 2- job sucks
> >> 3- Wife does NOT!
> >> _____________________
A man is dying of cancer.
His son: "Dad why you keep telling people you're
dying of AIDS??".
Answer: "so that when I die, no one will dare to f**k
your mother."
> >> _____________________
"I am your Doctor. sorry to inform you that you have
a brain problem.
Your brain is in 2 parts... Left and right. The left
part has nothing right in it, and the right has nothing left in it"
> >> ______________________
YESTERDAY NEWS: A nun jogging in the park was raped.
TODAY'S NEWS: Hundreds of nuns are jogging in the
park!
> >> ______________________
Question: "Why is a waist called a waist?"
Answer: "because anything above the girl thingy and below the tits is a waste"
> >> _____________________
A lady tells her Man: "I demand good manners in bed,
just like at the dinner table".
The man climbs into bed slowly and says: "Honey, would you please pass me the girl thingy?"
> >> _____________________
What is a KISS?
It's an upper PREPARATION for a lower INVASION that
will lead to further PENETRATION with fast ACCELERATION that will build next GENERATION.
> >> ______________________
Latest Statistics: What men do after sex? 2% eat. 3%
smoke cigarettes.
4% take a shower. 5% go to sleep. 86% get up and go
back home to their wives.
> >> _______________________
Why is your thingy better than a credit card?
(a) Once spent recharges itself.
(b) It is accepted worldwide.
(c) You can let your wife use it as much as she wants.
> >> _______________________
LITTLE GIRL: Mommy, I just found out that our neighbour's son has a thingy like a peanut!
MUM: You mean it's small?
LITTLE GIRL: No it's salty!!!
> >> ________________________
A couple recently married was happy with the whole
thing.
He was happy with the hole, and she was happy with
the thing.
> >> ________________________
A man was carrying 3 babies in a train.
The lady sitting next to him asked: Are they your babies?
MAN: No, I work in a condom factory and these are customer COMPLAINTS.
> >> ________________________
Women top 5 lies: from the whitest down
I am a virgin.
It is so big.
I can't do that to my best friend.
I won't gain weight after marriage
I am coming! I am coming!!!
> >> ____________________
A guy goes up to a girl in a bar and says: You want to play magic.
She says: What is that?
He says: We go Home, screw, and then you disappear.
> >> _____________________
What is the closest thing to a woman's period?
Your SALARY... It comes once a month, lasts 4 or 5
days, and if it doesn't come, you are F*CKED!!!
> >> ____________________
What's the difference between a panty and a stage curtain?
Answer : When you pull down the stage curtain, show
is over, but when you pull down the PANTY... IT'S SHOWTIME.
> >> _______________________
> >> AGES OF girl thingy:
> >> -16 to 19 BRAND NEW.
> >> -20 TO 28 SLIGHTLY USED
> >> -29 TO 36 SECOND HAND
> >> -37 TO 45 SUBJECT TO REPAIR
> >> -46 TO 55 FOR LUBRICATION
> >> -56 TO 60 TOTAL WRECK
> >> -61 TO 70 CLOSED FOR RENOVATION!!!!!!! [/glow]

[-(aaK)- Deltz]

Roflmao......... ;D
Man there's some good ones on there....
Right i'm gonna be on a mission now to find some more to put on here.....
Nice one ice.

[-(aaK)- Deltz]

The Blind Man

It was a hot summer day and two nuns were painting a room in the convent.

As there was no air conditioning the heat soon became unbearable. The first nun said that they should remove their clothes so that they would be cooler.

The second said what if someone should come?

The first said we'll lock the door and then we will be safe. So they lock the door and continue painting when there is a knock on the door.

The first nun asks who it is and the reply comes back "It is the blind man."

The two nuns confer and decide that the blind man can't see anything and let him in, at which time the man says "Nice tits sisters, where do you want these blinds?"

.........................................................................................

School Girl Job

Mr. Brown the old history teacher had a dirty mouth. He was always saying something off color or suggestive.

One day after class, Sally approaches his desk with a flock of girls in tow.

"Mr. Brown," she said, "We are tired of your filthy remarks and we aren't going to put up with in anymore! The next time you say something nasty in class, we are all going to complain to the principal."

Mr. Brown was silent and the girls stormed off thinking they had cowed him.

The next day as everyone arrives in class, Mr. Brown is reading the newspaper.

The bell rings, but he continues to read. Finally, he looks up and says, "Oh girls, you should find this interesting. The government is recruiting hookers to go to Afghanistan and screw the servicemen over there for $100 a day."

All at once the girls get up and head for the door.

"Wait a minute!" shouted Mr. Brown. "The boat doesn't leave till Thursday!"

........................................................................................

The Donkey

A guy walked into a bar one day and noticed a jar full of money on the counter.

He asked the bartender what it was for and the bartender replied that if he could go into the back and make the donkey laugh, he could have that jar of money.

So the guy walks in the back and a few minutes he comes out with the donkey laughing his head off. He gets his money and walks out.

The next day the same guy went to the same bar and noticed another jar of money sitting on the counter. The bartender, when asked, said that if he could go in the back and make the donkey cry, he could have that jar of money.

So the guy goes in the back and about 5 minutes later comes out with the donkey crying huge tears.

As the guy was about to leave, the bartender stopped him and asked him how he made the donkey laugh and cry.

The guy replied: The first time I told him I had a bigger pecker then he did, and the second time I proved it.

[-(aaK)- Neil Faz]

lmao really good ones there/ and really confusing ones.

[-(aaK)- zZzTheAngel]

lol Very funny