Easily Offended continued......

[KT]

Haha! Heard it before Priest, however, that doesn't make it any less funny!

[-(aaK)- Deltz]

[glow=blue,4,300]Sipping Vodka

A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.

After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor
replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass.

If I start to get nervous, I take a sip."

So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a
storm.

Upon his return to his office after mass, he found the
following note on the door:

1. Sip the Vodka, don't gulp.

2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.

3. There are 12 disciples, not 10.

4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.

5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.

6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J C.

7. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the crap out of him.

8. David was hit by a rock and got knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass.

9.We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T."

10. When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said, "Take this and eat, for it is my body." He did not say "Eat me."

11. The Virgin Mary is not called "Mary with the Cherry,"

12. The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, yeah God.

Throwin a Sickie....

Bob calls in to his job:
"Hey, boss I'm not coming to work today. I'm really sick. I got a headache, stomach ache, and my legs hurt, so I'm not coming into work."

The boss says:
"You know Bob, I really need you today. When I feel like this I go to my wife, and tell her to give me sex. That makes me feel better, and I can go to work. You should try that."

2 hours later Bob calls:
"Boss, I did what you said, and I feel great! I'll be at work soon. By the way, you've got a nice house."[/glow]