Post by -(aaK)- Deltz on Feb 20, 2004 2:44:29 GMT
Jokes a plenty...
I want to die like my grandfather did, in his sleep.
Not screaming and shouting like the passengers in his car.
.....................................................................................
Off to Vegas
A man came home from work one day to find his wife on the front porch with her bags packed.
'Just where the heck do you think you're going!', said the man.
'I'm going to Las Vegas', said the wife, 'I just found out I can get $400 a night for what I give you for free!
'The man said, 'Wait a minute!', and then ran inside the house only to come back a few minutes later with his suitcases in hand.
'Where the heck are you going?', said the wife.
The man said, 'I want to see how you're gonna live on $800 a year!'
....................................................................................
A man notices his thirteen-year-old son has been walking around for a week with a hard-on in his pants, and figures the boy needs some relief. He gives the kid twenty dollars and says: "Take this to the sleeperhouse at the other end of town, and have some fun."
Well, the sleeperhouse is a good hour walk each way, but the boy returns in only 45 minutes. The father says: "where were you?"
"Well," says the boy, "when I walked by Grandma's house she asked where I was going and I told her. She said, 'why don't you just come in here instead, and I'll do you for free.' So that's what I did."
The father, outraged, screams: "Are you telling me you f**ked my MOTHER?"
"What's the big deal," says the boy, "you f**k mine!"
.......................................................................................
A doctor goes to his office one Monday and is shocked to find that it has been ransacked and the files have all been mixed up. He sees the file for Mrs. Smith, but her chart is mixed up with some of the others and he can't tell which is which. He finally narrows it down to two charts, and he decides to call her house. Mr. Smith answers the phone.
"Mr. Smith, this is Dr. Jenkins. I have bad news. Your wife either has AIDS or Alzheimer's Disease -- I don't know which.
"Well, what should I do?" asks a distraught Mr. Smith.
"Drop her off at the edge of town," says the doctor, "and if she finds her way back, DON'T f**k HER!"
..................................................................................
Three guys are at a bar, when another man comes in and starts drinking. Pretty soon he's very drunk and out of control. He confronts the three men, puts his hands on his hips and says to the one on the left:
"I've f**ked your mom!"
Then he says to the one in the middle: "Your mom's sucked my cock."
While the first two are still getting over their shock, he says to the one on the right: "I've had your mom up the ass, what do you think of that?"
"We all think you're drunk, Dad -- go home!"
I want to die like my grandfather did, in his sleep.
Not screaming and shouting like the passengers in his car.
.....................................................................................
Off to Vegas
A man came home from work one day to find his wife on the front porch with her bags packed.
'Just where the heck do you think you're going!', said the man.
'I'm going to Las Vegas', said the wife, 'I just found out I can get $400 a night for what I give you for free!
'The man said, 'Wait a minute!', and then ran inside the house only to come back a few minutes later with his suitcases in hand.
'Where the heck are you going?', said the wife.
The man said, 'I want to see how you're gonna live on $800 a year!'
....................................................................................
A man notices his thirteen-year-old son has been walking around for a week with a hard-on in his pants, and figures the boy needs some relief. He gives the kid twenty dollars and says: "Take this to the sleeperhouse at the other end of town, and have some fun."
Well, the sleeperhouse is a good hour walk each way, but the boy returns in only 45 minutes. The father says: "where were you?"
"Well," says the boy, "when I walked by Grandma's house she asked where I was going and I told her. She said, 'why don't you just come in here instead, and I'll do you for free.' So that's what I did."
The father, outraged, screams: "Are you telling me you f**ked my MOTHER?"
"What's the big deal," says the boy, "you f**k mine!"
.......................................................................................
A doctor goes to his office one Monday and is shocked to find that it has been ransacked and the files have all been mixed up. He sees the file for Mrs. Smith, but her chart is mixed up with some of the others and he can't tell which is which. He finally narrows it down to two charts, and he decides to call her house. Mr. Smith answers the phone.
"Mr. Smith, this is Dr. Jenkins. I have bad news. Your wife either has AIDS or Alzheimer's Disease -- I don't know which.
"Well, what should I do?" asks a distraught Mr. Smith.
"Drop her off at the edge of town," says the doctor, "and if she finds her way back, DON'T f**k HER!"
..................................................................................
Three guys are at a bar, when another man comes in and starts drinking. Pretty soon he's very drunk and out of control. He confronts the three men, puts his hands on his hips and says to the one on the left:
"I've f**ked your mom!"
Then he says to the one in the middle: "Your mom's sucked my cock."
While the first two are still getting over their shock, he says to the one on the right: "I've had your mom up the ass, what do you think of that?"
"We all think you're drunk, Dad -- go home!"
